On Turning 41 in 2021
Once a year, this really lovely thing happens when I wake up and think, Today is the day that all the people I love are going to remind me why I love them. And that’s exactly what happened today. I woke up before my alarm as I do most days now (old people, am I right?) to the smell of coffee.
After stretching all my nooks and crannies like I do every morning (old people, am I right?), I came downstairs to said coffee and a glazed donut. I opened presents from friends near and far to include books, my favorite lotion, a gift card to a local cheese shop (!!!), and new pajamas. Scott explained, “I looked on Oprah’s website and found soft pajamas with pockets. I picked that one because you’re now the right age to wear animal print.”
I spent the day doing all the things I wanted to do or had to do (but not anything I felt I should do as I’ve discussed before).
Mostly what I wanted was to be alone in a quiet space and to not wear pants, which to be fair, is what I want every day.
Here are some things that happened today that made me smile:
My library app let me “skip the line” on an audiobook hold, and I’m already 25% done reading a book that I thought would arrive weeks from now.
I delegated all after school pick ups to Scott, giving me two and a half hours in the middle of the day when I’m NOT sitting in a car (not an exaggeration), which might be my v most favorite gift of the day.
I watched trash TV while eating two donuts and a chocolate almond candy bar, and then I ordered stuffed crust pizza for dinner.
I watched pimple popping videos while getting a pedicure.
I entered giveaways on Goodreads and organized my TBR list.
My phone dinged all day long with texts and calls from people who have known me since we were babies, people I’ve met in the last six weeks, and people from all the eras of my life in between.
I sat down to write something original for the first time in far too long because this is the best way I know how to say I love you back to this universe that keeps spinning whether I accomplish a goal or take a nap.
And here’s the biggest thing that made me smile today: I did everything without feeling bogged down by the feeling that I should be doing something else.
When I was a tiny tot, I spent hours listening to my parents’ albums, and one of my favorites was Hotel California. I’d sprawl out with the liner notes reading them as the record spun. My favorite song was “Wasted Time,” a sweeping, soulful song about how life doesn’t always turn out the way we want, but disappointments can be lessons that serve us well.
I distinctly remember belting out the last line of the song along with Don, “Maybe someday we will find THAT IT WASN’T REALLY WASTED TIME!” What can I say? Being six is hard.
Even tinier tot Leia contemplates existence and probably cheeseballs.
As I’ve aged, I’ve held on tighter to that six-year-old wisdom. There is always something else I could be doing, and sometimes the best thing I can do is waste time. If you ask me how I get everything done, my answer will be that I prioritize rest—and I don’t mean sleep. (I also listen to my audiobooks on 3x, but that seems to be less doable for most people than the rest thing.)
For a long time, I’ve been in the habit of googling whatever number I’m turning. The first thing that popped up this year was the song by Dave Matthews Band titled “#41.” As a self-respecting white girl who came of age in the 90s, I am, of course, well acquainted with the song and spent plenty of time dancing to it back in the day when my body worked properly. It’s one of their most performed songs of all time, and as a quintessential jam band, DMB once played a 32+ minute version at a show. A THIRTY-TWO MINUTE VERSION OF A SEVEN MINUTE SONG. Well done, time wasters.
So today, on my 41st birthday, please join me (and Don and Dave) in wasting some time in the best way, and then calling it good.
Thanks for another year of learning together, friends.